Parts of a Whole

Did you all enjoy feasting again and again on your Thanksgiving leftovers? Each day tupperwares being emptied, the options becoming fewer. At the end of the week you're eating a plate of 3 brussels sprouts, a mountain of sweet potatoes and cranberry sauce on the side. Not a meal most of us would normally prepare, but somehow because those were each part of what was once a whole, we welcome it. Next year I'd like to try something my coworker did with her friends this year: a post-Thanksgiving leftover potluck. Genius, no?

Speaking of genius, and of leftovers, I'd like to direct your attention to one of my most favorite bloggers. Krista's writing is honest and poetic and effortlessly profound. The kind of writing that makes you wish you could peer out at the world from behind her eyes, think it through her brain. Her post today is about who she used to be and who she is now, how those two people are connected, and how they're not.

"i used to be me. and now i'm me all over again. with the dirt and pebbles sifted out. i am what's left over.

the gold in the pan."
I love this metaphor, and I found it resonating with me I think because lately I have been more preoccupied than usual with the direction I'm heading in, the person I'm going to turn into. I know this is a mystery for everyone, and when you ask most people to look back on their teens and twenties they'll say they never in a million years would have guessed they'd end up where they did.

Similarly, I look ahead toward my thirties and forties, and the person I'm picturing is not me. She doesn't have my face, my hair, my body. She's imaginary. Not an older version of myself, but someone else entirely. I already know I'll turn 40 one day and be surprised that I'm actually still me.

Growing up is funny, isn't it? At all stages. My niece, Alice, has grown and changed so much since the last time I saw her in early September that I look at pictures and videos of her now and feel like I've never even met her. Like it's some other baby, some other kid, and I desperately need to make her acquaintance, meet this month's version of Alice. This bright smiling little person who moves and laughs and does things intentionally is certainly not the same tiny thing that emerged from my sister 6 months ago. That is, quite simply, impossible.

I guess what I'm saying is we never really know what time is going to do to us. It is both the most constant, predictable and unchanging truth of our existence, and our greatest mystery. But whoever we become, all those versions of ourselves that take shape over time? What we can know is that they will always remain part of a whole.


  1. such sweet words!
    and you've nailed it completely...i always used to see this imaginary future for myself. and for some reason, it was never me. not really. i would be someone else. the hard part was when i would get there and realize i'm still me.
    it's taken years to accept the fact that 'me' is pretty damn okay.

    {thank you, lady.}

  2. I'm not sure how I feel about eating someone else's leftovers. Never seeing it in the serving dish. Not actually knowing where it came from. It doesn't settle well with me. I'm sure its fine and obviously your coworker wouldn't rave about the idea if her experience wasn't positive. I guess, what I would require is a leftover dish be made. Using leftovers as ingredients as opposed to buffet.

    In any event, I'm so glad to read about your future self and life. I have an end goal in mind but I'm not married to it. That's kind of a big deal for me. Letting go. And I know a lot of our past conversations were about your end goal or perhaps a fuzzy vision of one or more specifically the path to get there that seemed impossible to find. So hell with it. Continue being the passionate beautiful woman you are and you'll have a colorful life ahead. Me too... I'm telling myself that so I remember.

  3. I don't know that baby... I don't know if that baby is a famous artist!